Life is easy when you see the good in it!

People! Life! We have this impression that is all so complex. We have this impression that we know better. We have this impression that we can control it all. It’s all just our imagination in the end. As a matter of fact, people and life are simple! You see, people are selfish and life is what we make of it.

Wait a minute! you might say. People are selfish? What does that mean? Well, it’s true if you think about it. And yes, that includes me as well. We all talk and think constantly about ‘I’. I want food! I want clothes! I want a new car! I want a new house! I want…you think about it, it’s all about ‘I’. Even when we think we are helping others, in the end, we are helping ourselves. We feel good after we made a good gesture, we feel important and helpful, our self-esteem is growing. We are selfish. But that is not necessarily a bad thing because you see when you make something good for those around you and you feel good about it, what do you want to do? Make some more good things, right?

Life is not complex at all. You make your life the way you want it. Stop! Don’t think about those material things that you can’t afford. Think about your state of mind. So, you can’t afford that new car, or new clothes, or a house. And that makes you unhappy and you automatically think that your life is horrible because if you would have money you would be happier because you could afford all those things! False! The more you have, the more you want. The more you want, the more you miss the money. The more you have, the bigger are your responsibilities which bring more stress and anxiety into your life. With that in mind, think about how simple life is! If you stop and enjoy what you have instead of worrying about what you don’t have, do you think that you might start enjoying life and little things? Maybe you can enjoy your health, maybe you can enjoy the little food you put on your kids’ table, maybe you can enjoy that smile or hug that someone gave you. Go ahead and roll your eyes and tell me how wrong I am, but in the end, if you do not stop to worry about what you don’t have, you will never enjoy life fully and you will never be truly happy.

Thank for reading! xoxo

xoxo Cristina B.

Our roots define who we are?

via Daily Prompt: Roots Roots

A question that I ask myself often is if my roots define who I am. I am keep on wondering if I can change who I am, if it makes me unhappy. You see, I come from a family where family drama and fights happened often. I was constantly stressed as a child, constantly wishing I had a different family. However, I was always telling myself that it could be worse.

Once I became an adult and I moved out from my parents home I didn’t feel free like I thought I would. I was always looking for my parents approval in any decision that I was taking and when they did not agree with me it made me really uncomfortable. I lived like this for some years. I hit the bottom a couple of times, depression and anxiety where always part of my life. See, this is what I think has to do with our roots as well. Our well-being depends so much on where we came from.

Since I was stressed as a child that followed me in my adult life as well. I was making everyone around me feel like they are putting a constant pressure on my shoulders and no matter what they did to please me I was just reproaching that they do not get me.

They can’t understand me, I was constantly thinking.

One would think that after a hard childhood I should have normally distance myself from the people who created all the drama in my life. Instead, I was closer to them then ever. Trying somehow to make them understand the harm that they caused I was constantly trying to get their attention. And I did! But to what cost? I became the “drama queen” of the family. By now I was having my own family. Two children and a wonderful man to take care of and to concentrate on. But I was not! I was still concentrating on them! On the roots, on the people who made me suffer so much.

Not so long ago it hit me! I am free of them. It is my decision if I want to let them hurt me or move on and be happy. After a lot of suffering and crying, I was able to leave my terrible childhood behind. I became an understanding mother and a loving woman for the man next to me. I still talk to my parents, I do. I can’t let them behind me, however their opinions or approval do not have an impact in my life anymore.

I decided to leave my roots behind and I started to create new roots for my own family.

And that allowed me to live a happy life!

Cristina B.

“Be Brave” is what she thought

He slammed the door! That was not a good sign and she knew it so well. That meant only one thing: he was dead drunk again and they were all in trouble. She realized that she was shaking though she was not cold. That was a common thing and she hated that feeling.

She could hear him puffing and saying something in the kitchen. It wasn’t easy to hear what he was mumbling but she knew that soon she will find out. Suddenly, she heard a plate banging on the wall and he started to scream. Her shaking increased as she heard him walking straight to their bedroom. She was sleeping in the same room as her young brother and she knew that he was awake too, even though he said nothing at all.

He stopped for a few seconds at the door while mumbling some swear words that normally should not be said to your kids. She knew then: the beating is starting once again. He slammed the door open and screamed her name. Questions came in, like: Why are dirty dishes in the kitchen? Are you a pig? Why is this house such a mess all the time? She was trying to adjust her eyes to the light and trying not to burst into tears once again. She was so fed up with this life. They did not deserve this kind of life. She knew she had to do something! It was now or never and she was prepared to fight, no matter what the cost might be.

To her surprise he left the room, banging the door after him. She was just sitting there, on top of the bed, somehow trying to protect her little brother from all this messy, unfair life. She somehow knew it was not over. And was she right! While she was trying to catch her breath, and stop her tears, he came back with even more frustration. She knew he had a hard life, trying to provide for his family in a country where no matter how hard you work you never have enough, but was that their fault? Was it necessary for him to put that pressure on them?

This time he said nothing.  He just grabbed her legs and he pulled her out of the bed. She banged her head on the floor. Was it the adrenaline, the fear, the shock? She didn’t know what it was but there it came her fighting: “THIS IS ENOUGH! NO MORE OF YOUR CRAP! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU COMING HOME DRUNK LIFE HELL AND THINK THAT YOU CAN DO AND SAY ANYTHING TO US! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE, YOU ARE A MONSTER AND IF I WOULD LIVE ON THE STREETS I WOULD BE BETTER THAN LIVING HERE WITH YOU. I AM 14 YEARS OLD, I SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL AND WORRY ABOUT HOMEWORK AND EXAMS AND BOYS NOT LIKING ME, NOT YOUR NONSENSE MONEY ISSUES! THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND IF YOU CAN’T DO IT JUST GO ON AND LEAVE US BUT DO NOT DARE TO CALL YOURSELF A DAD ANYMORE!”

Shock was on his face! He let go on her and just looked her deep into the eyes for a few minutes. He was probably contemplating what to do next, but he probably saw in her eyes that this was it; tonight, someone must give in and it wasn’t her anymore. And so, he left the room and never touched them again.

What a brave little girl she was! She was happy the nightmare ended, but she couldn’t help but wonder: if she would have done this before, would it have ended sooner? This is something that she will never know.

Cristina B.

#bookreview … Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher (kindle edition) 

Not so long ago I finished reading this book and I wanted to review it for so long, but I didn’t know how to put it in words. The thing is, this book had such a high impact on me because the things happening in it are actually happening in real life, every single day! And most of us, including me, don’t do anything to stop it! So this is not a professional review, it’s just the impact that the book had on me. 

Clay Jensen received some tapes from a girl that was going to school with him but that committed suicide. As he listens to her tapes, he realizes that there were so many occasions in which he could have helped her but he didn’t. The fact is, that he would have probably not make her change her mind, but the fact that he didn’t try really gets to him. 

Isn’t that what most of us do? See the signs but we say nothing? We turn our eyes and pretend like nothing happened? Tell people to just get over stuff? Tell them that life sucks? Yup, we do that! We don’t realize however, that our actions are actually making other people suffer. And than are those that do realize but don’t care! 

This book made me cry several times! Brought sad and heavy, heartbreaking memories! But made me realize that I must be careful with what I say or do, because there is no such thing as ‘exaggerating people’ only ‘sensitive people’! And there is nothing wrong with being sensitive! 

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ Stars!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for reading! 

Cristina B. 

You deserve better…

There are people that walk next to you just when it’s convenient for them. People that forget how much they shared with you just because right now they are in a better place then they were before. There are people that when you least expect it, will turn against you, just like that! No explanation, no excuse, just because! 

You will wonder what went wrong! Was it something you said? Something you did? Something you didn’t say or do? 

You will get mad! You will stop thinking about it! And you will probably get mad again because you simply can’t understand why the fake friendship for so long!

There will come a point when you will understand that it’s not about you! It’s actually because people are selfish and they stand by you only when it’s convenient to them! Give them a better job than yours, a good place to live in, some different friends and that’s all it takes for them to feel superior all of the sudden. The thing is though, there will come a point when you won’t care for them anymore. There will come a point when you will move on and completely remove them from your life, even if it costs you a lot to do so. And when maybe, just maybe, they will fall again from that high pedestal, they will want to turn back to you! However, you already move on, because there is only so much that you can accept. There comes a point when too much was just too much and you realize that you just deserve to be treated better! 

I guess that what I’m trying to say is just: don’t let anyone make you think that they are better than you! ❤❤❤

Cristina B. 

I thought 💭…

I thought I had a friend. 

I thought that I was actually accepted by someone without judgement and just because. 

Ohhh how wrong I was! 

It didn’t hurt to realize that the friendship was not there…

It hurt to realize that I fooled myself one more time…

Maybe I learned my lesson this time.

Reality is that I don’t have a friend…only the need to have one…

Why is it so easy for some people to have a bunch of friends and yet so hard for some to have just one? 

I’ll never have an answer for that! 

Cristina B.